Coo coo ka-choo, how do you do?
Nooo! It's Tuesday! I am officially late! I did wake up at 5pm yesterday, and fell asleep at 8am that morning, so it makes sense I lost track of time. I've been really sleepy and exhausted this past week, even though I haven't been doing anything particularly strenuous. And yes! If you were concerned about the wellbeing of my family member, she is doing much, much better!
My motivation has dropped lately and it's been really messing with me. I haven't picked up my hook all week! Of course, with the emergency, my priorities got thrown out of order, but why haven't I recovered yet?! I think it's a combination of overly lofty goals, fear of failing, and this stupid identity crisis causing legal problems. It's so much easier to do what I've done, watch 18 hours of old anime in the past week while I play Elder Scrolls Online. I am fantastic at avoiding my problems until they blow up in my face.
Regardless, I need to get back to work. If not still testing more patterns, working on melon keychains since I do have a bunch of one pounds sitting around. I actually want to work on wearable accessories again! I think I'm also tired of sewing. Sewing the pieces on the mushroom bag or the pieces onto the bubbloid just made me remember... one big piece accessories are so much easier! Hats and cowls, fingerless gloves... I took you for granted! No color changes, no pieces to lose and redo and sew, no abrupt changes in the pattern; they're so nice! It's just awful because they aren't impressive to everyone who doesn't crochet.
Can I go a little off topic and personal? Who am I kidding? That's every post. Yes, I haven't posted on Instagram because of the address problem, but did you know there's a secret less important second reason? I'm scared of looking like a failure to the people I know, or knew, that are following me. There! I said it! I want to impress people with what I can do even though they probably don't care! I've been radio silent to nearly everyone outside of my immediate family for years and coming back with a (visually but not mechanically) plain, unnoteworthy hat makes me seem like I haven't improved since! I haven't, honestly, but they don't need to know that! I need to throw the fake successful screen onto my virtual self and make it seem like I am not panicking about the future.
So, yeah. I think I just need to pull off my comfort life jacket and post pictures to advertise regardless. I know I won't be as consistent with my pictures like other influences. I know they're totally faking it too. There's no way people are finishing all those things in less than a day or two, there's regular life to deal with! I see them and give them grace, but I don't give myself the same grace. I've got to break out of these unproductive panic spirals instead of riding them out!
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